Meanwhile, canoeists in Rio are delivering some amazing action shots

he Olympics aren’t always as glamorous as they seem — especially when it comes to canoeing. 

On Thursday, New Zealand's Luuka Jones slipped into second place in the K1 canoe slalom. Photos of the event reveal how physically taxing professional sport is on the individual  — in case you've been fooled by #fitspo advertising.

'The River Wild' IRL

IMAGE: AFP/GETTY IMAGES

Sport isn't sexy. It's gruelling, exhausting and as far from a Victoria's Secret commercial as you can get. The K1 canoe slalom is a sterling example of this. In this event, athletes must navigate a 250-meter (83-yard) course covered in poles they can't hit with any part of their body, paddle or canoe. The sport is modelled on the ski slalom but replaces snow with manufactured white water rapids. 

The mixing of a traditional obstacle course with the goal of not drowning is perfect for tell-all facial expressions — a timely reminder that this stuff is not for the faint of heart or aquatically challenged.

Goddamn it I said LEFT.

IMAGE: GETTY IMAGES

We give you the glamour of competitive slalom.

Is there a gold medal in here?

IMAGE: ROB CAR/GETTY IMAGES

Don't touch me don't touch me don't touch me.

IMAGE: JAMIE SQUIRE/GETTY IMAGES)

Get out of my face!

IMAGE: ROB CARR/GETTY IMAGES)

Has anyone seen my canoe?

IMAGE: CARL DE SOUZA/AFP/GETTY IMAGES

*I've made a HUGE mistake*

IMAGE: JAMIE SQUIRE/GETTY IMAGES

If I pull THIS face, the boat will turn faster.

IMAGE: AFP/GETTY IMAGES

Let's go again.

IMAGE: AFP/GETTY IMAGES

Baby seal arrested for trespassing

New Zealand police have made Wellington streets safe once more after accosting a rogue sleepy infant seal. The small mammal had made itself a cosy but dangerous home underneath a parked car in a local carpark.

According to New Zealand publication Stuff, Senior Sergeant Dave Houston was notified by a passer by who had spotted the little fluff ball when it peeped its head out from under a parked car.

The owner of the car returned to find the peculiar scene — law enforcers prodding underneath his car with a broom.

After ascertaining that the seal did not in fact belong to the car owner, authorities managed to coax the seal out from under the car, though Houston reported that the young pup was "a little bit bitey."

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Talia Shadwell @TaliaShadwell

BREAKING NEWS: Baby seal under arrest for trespassing while cute @DomPost http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/cutestuff/83117205/wellington-maritime-police-find-baby-seal-at-queens-wharf … (Pics @nzpolice)

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@pacodylan @DomPost @nzpolice HE JUST WANTS HIS MOTHER

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Wellington District Police reported via Facebook and Twitter that the little pup, adorably named Steve by its saviours, was taken into the care of the Department of Conservation and Wildside New Zealand who will ensure the safe return of the pup to his rightful, and less dangerous home.

The Department of Conservation staff told Wellington Police that the pup was around the age where their mothers allow them to go out on their own in the wild — all that exploring can be exhausting for a little furry adventurer.

The report states that the Department of Conservation bailed out the little water baby and planned to return and release him back into the wild.

Like Follow Follow Bow down, losers: New Zealand has the world's most beautiful bank note

There seems to be an award for just about everything in life.

Even a fiver gets plaudits, apparently. New Zealand's NZ$5 bank note was handed the "Bank Note of the Year Award" for 2015 Tuesday, beating out 19 other nominations from around the world. 

The crown was handed over by the International Bank Note Society (IBNS), an on organisation dedicated to the study and collection of bank notes. Yep, there is such a society.

Close runners-up in "tight voting," according to an emailed statement from the IBNS, included Sweden's 20 Kronor note, Russia's 100 Ruble note, Kazakhstan's 20,000 Tenge note and Scotland's (Clydesdale Bank) 5 Pound note. 

Perhaps they lost because of their distinct lack of penguins. Just a guess.

With a dominant orange hue, one side of New Zealand's note features mountaineer Sir Edmund Hillary, one of the first climbers to reach Mount Everest. While on the other, a native yellow-eyed penguin (otherwise known as a hoiho) stands among the stunning, sub-antarctic surrounds ofCampbell Island.

It's a pleasing contrast to the new Australian A$5 note that had locals bickering recently, likening it to vomit and toilet brushes. 

The Reserve Bank of New Zealand Deputy Governor Geoff Bascand, for one, knows how good the country has got it.

"We are proud of all of New Zealand's new banknotes, but to have our $5 note recognised internationally is very special," Bascand said in an online statement. "The note incorporates some of the world's most advanced security features, yet still beautifully showcases New Zealand's history, culture and heritage."

The note was released as part of New Zealand's new "Brighter Money" initiative, with the NZ$5 and NZ$10 note in circulation since October 2015. The NZ$20, NZ$50 and NZ$100 notes will be available from May 16. 

The Kiwis shouldn't take all the praise, however. The series was actually designed and printed by the Canadian Bank Note Company in Ottawa, Canada, the IBNS said. So you can add creating fancy money to the things Canucks are good at — apart from apologising and ice hockey.

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Like Follow Follow Social media slays Italian football team after extremely ill-advised haka

What in the world was AC Milan thinking?

The Italian football club was behind a cringeworthy ripoff of the haka Thursday as part of a promotion for a skincare company. The dance is traditionally performed by New Zealand's Māori people, and has become known around the world thanks to the country's sporting teams, who perform it with respect, and you know, a genuine understanding of its cultural significance.

SEE ALSO: A hotel in New Zealand has banned people wearing revealing lycra shorts

The utterly astounding performance came before a Serie A match against Carpi. The dance was dubbed the "Tekitanka," and slogans that read "Men, this is your ritual!" were displayed along the stadium's sideboards. The club even boasted about it on Twitter.

The haka was performed by a group of actors and not the actual team, according to the ABC. Can you imagine club legends Paolo Maldini, Gennaro Gattuso or Clarence Seedorf performing a fake haka for their sponsors? It would never happen.

The fake haka also included the group motioning the act of scrubbing their face and body and washing their hands. Yuck.

Probably best to leave the haka to the All Blacks, boys.

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9 truly excellent treats from New Zealand the world should try

New Zealanders are pretty damn lucky. 

Not only did practically the entire country get to be an extra on Lord of the Rings, they're also fortunate to have a truly impressive range of delicious treats.

SEE ALSO: UK travelers have a serious crush on New Zealand

We do need to warn you: Most of these foods aren't particularly healthy, so stick to the kiwifruit if you don't want to get involved with all these sweet and savoury delicacies.

So, ready to gorge yourself? You can burn it off snowboarding down one of their many excellent pistes — provided it's winter, of course.

Who ever thought pineapple and chocolate would work so well together? Well, the kiwis did. The premise is simple: Lumps of juicy pineapple-like chews, coated in chocolate. Try as you might, you can't stop at one.

They're so loved in New Zealand that an Australian breakfast host, David "Kochie" Koch, got into big trouble for claiming the treat was actually from Queensland, Australia. Nice try Kochie.

It may not look appealing, but this condiment goes with everything. All you need to do is mix a packet of Maggi onion soup mix and reduced cream together. Serve 'em with original salted Bluebird crinkle-cut chips, and you've got a party starter — or a naughty feast for one.

Raro

IMAGE: MASHABLE AUSTRALIA

Like America's Tang but way more tropical, Raro is a powdered concentrate that turns water into an addictive cordial. It's a childhood favourite that many adults just can't stop drinking. It's too damn good.

L&P

"World famous in New Zealand" is the self-deprecating but hilarious tagline for L&P a.k.a. Lemon and Paeroa, the country's favourite lemon squash. Ideal with a meal of fish and chips wrapped in paper, you'll be hooked.  

Afghans

A bonafide kiwi classic, Afghans are a chocolate biscuit, infused with cornflakes and topped with icing and a walnut. Become a little more cosmopolitan at your next bake sale and whip up a bunch.

Perky Nanas

Back again with the chocolate covered fruit. New Zealand has created the Perky Nana, a foamy banana chew coated in a layer of chocolate. Also, if you say Perky Nana wrong, the whole confection ends up sounding a bit naughty.

Marmite and chip sandwiches

The chip butty, or sandwich, is by no means a kiwi invention. However, the addition of marmite, a yeasty spread similar to Vegemite, makes the combination a childhood lunchbox classic. Never grow up, guys. Never grow up.

Chocolate Fish

Apparently, kiwis will cover anything in chocolate. This time, it's a soft, chewy block of marshmallow — like s'mores but without the crackers. It's also apparently used to indicate a job well done: "Give that kid a chocolate fish." What a country.

A kiwi take-away burger

There are many places around the world that do burgers well, but there is nothing quite like a proper kiwi burger from a takeaway shop. For a unique combination, get yourself a fish and egg burger, or pop down to Fergburger in Queenstown for a snack that is utterly out of this world. You won't regret it.

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